Bittersweet Life...

Saturday, July 16, 2005

i juz finished readin fab's bloggie... it was damn sweet of him to put up the pics and say those heartfelt stuff...

i miss u terribly, fab... really... i miss 4g soo much... i feel like puttin down all 38 names of my classmates here... tellin them i miss them.. but u ppl will think im insane. damn... im missing siglap so much. i miss the teachers there. i miss 4g. i miss mdm su. i miss the table ppl. i miss those who have helped thru my yrs in siglap... there's loads to mention.. and i dun wanna miss one name... so, u noe who u are... coz i noe i've relied a lot on u guys... frens & teachers alike.

here in poly, there's no one to push me.. no teachers or lecturers to warn me or remind me abt handin in assignments. i miss my siglap days. esp sec 4 days... those were the times when i really got close and knew and appreciated every single one of my classmates for being part of my life... no matter how much i had hated them, no matter how much i despised some of them...

im tryin to find someone in sp who will be like ppl back in 4g, like the table ppl.. i noe i cant replace u peeps... but, sometimes i feel lonely. i dun noe who to confide in when i feel stressed, or trouble, or when i juz feel like talking. u noe.. juz talkin abt stuff... i've yet to find close gfs who i can confide in... i've yet to find guys like fab and elfi, who will be there for me... i've got lots of guy frens.. but i dunno if they are like u guys.. like fab, vic, elf, ivan... i miss u guys,

am i to dependant? i dunno... i juz miss 4g soo much... tt it made me realised the kind of ppl tt revolves ard my life now.. things tend to change, i noe. i dunno who will be there, listening to me when im all down and all and alone in poly... i dunno who will help thru my 3 yrs... i dunno who will push me thru my studies like wat ema, fab, vic, ad, feli did... u noe who u are... i dunno who really accpets me.

i do have fun, loads of it, in sp... but, when im in shit, when im feelin suicidal, when im feelim depressed, when im feelin sick of sch, when i wanna give up in sch, when i juz cant pass the modules, im juz wondering- who can i go to? who is willin to console me? who is willin to juz shut up and hear me vomit my sorrows out? i hope ema will still be there for me.. i hope feli will still be there for me. i hope my close darliings are still there for me. i really dun wanna lose u guys... 4g, the table ppl, the siglapians.

im scared now... im really afraid to walk this journey iin sp alone.. after realising tt i could actually rot and suffer w/o ppl knowin so. i have no more confidence tt i can pass the exams. pass the modules. pass the semester. no more confidence to attain the diploma.

it's doesnt mean tt i dun appreciate u ppl tt i've met iin sp.. but, i juz dun feel like i can throw out my sorrows and worries when i need to... i love my frens.. every each and one of u guys.. be it in pri, sec or poly... but now, i juz feel like.. i dunno.

oh god.. y am i doin this to myself?

i miss u peeps back frm siglap... peeps in sp, plz dun go away.. u guys are the best tt happened to me so far in poly... ppl like zee, hisham, al, tas, lala, zeeq, 1b24 guys, mls ppl, ssp ppl, ppl frm other courses.... and of coz, my classmates..

-sorry.. if this doesnt make sense to u readers... sorry...

*tears are flowin down... endlessly... somebody stop them*

Smashed into pieces at 7/16/2005 07:53:00 PM